Sometimes a piece of online writing presents something so brilliant yet unexpected that it deserves quoting. A prime example was found in The Macalope Weekly. The Macalope is a mythic creature (part man, part mac, part antelope) that writes for MacWorld, mostly addressing the Apple-bashing that has occurred since forever (but accelerated now that Apple makes so many things that people want). The release of new iPhones has brought out all sorts of Apple criticism, including this (Quotes within the quote have been italicized and greened):
Guess who’s back! That’s right, it’s our old friend, Dan Lyons! Aw, Dan, we missed you.
Well, we missed laughing at you is what we missed. So, that’s … well, that’s not really the same as missing you at all.
Sure! Men, too!
Has Apple become a brand that’s primarily targeting women?
Has HubSpot regretted hiring Dan Lyons yet?
The new operating system interface introduces translucent elements, as well as a palette of lighter, softer pastel colors.
For the ladies! Bow-chicka-wacka-wacka …
[opens can of Colt 45 malt liquor]
One of the harshest critics, tech blogger Jim Lynch, called the software “an estrogen-addled mess designed for 13 year old girls” and complained that “the manly, solid colors and design found in iOS 6 have been chopped off.”
Not that that’s incredibly sexist or anything.
(Also, “chopped off”? NICE.)
But Lynch’s tirade prompted some pundits, including Jim Edwards at Business Insider, to wonder whether Apple is indeed making a concerted effort to target women.
Will using iOS 7 make men sterile?! Teach the controversy, Business Insider!
Edwards isn’t hating on the new operating system; he just points out that the new software contains colors some would consider feminine.
Like white. And blue. Of course green. Is there a color that reminds you more of a woman than green?
Edwards also points out that the new low-end iPhone 5c comes in five bright colors, but “the new colors do not include ‘masculine’ shades like burgundy, navy blue, or Lincoln blue.”
Patton orange. Dwayne-Johnson yellow. Mixed-martial-arts red. Personally, the Macalope won’t even look at an operating system if it doesn’t have Lincoln blue.
(What the heck is Lincoln blue?)
For what it’s worth, I brought up this subject among my immediate colleagues at HubSpot, who are mostly women.
An now he’s got to go to “remedial sensitivity training,” whatever that is. Ugh. So stoopid.
They found the topic irritating …
Are you sure it was the topic they found irritating?
… asking things like, “What exactly does that even mean to say that a design is feminine? And even if Apple is trying to sell to women, why is that a problem, since women control so much spending power?
Also “Why are you in the ladies room?”, “How did you get hired here again?”, and “What’s the number for HR?”
Anyway, one of our colleagues has been using the beta version of iOS 7 for a while. She says she loves it.
Case closed! If you do not have lady parts, iOS 7 is not for you!
What the Macalope loves about this “stir” is that apparently these bros—who are oh-so-sensitive to color hues that the slightest lightening of them makes them rush to their blogs—were fine for years when they thought Apple was just marketing to men. Now that they think Apple’s marketing to women we need to have a big discussion about it.
The Macalope’s been using iOS 7 for a while now, so here’s a simple tip for iPhone users concerned about their strategic testosterone reserves: Just use a dark wallpaper, perhaps something in a Vin-Diesel gray or a Pabst-Blue-Ribbon blue. That’s an easy way to return a more masculine tone to your now tremendously girly portable computing and telephonic device.
Oh, and also, get over yourselves. That’s harder, but probably more important.
By the way, when the term "Lincoln Blue" is entered into Google, you get a bunch of stuff about Lincoln automobiles in various hues of blue, mostly a pastel shade I would have called "baby blue."
Anyway, the Macalope takes on a number of other criticisms of the new iPhones and iOS 7. I just loved the whole discourse about color and women.