Compare and Contrast

Jul 03 2017 Published by under [Medicine&Pharma]

I am trying to make my patient and parent handouts more user-friendly. I’m moving from text-dense to less wordy pieces, and I could use some beta testing from the WhizBanger Crew.

Wordy Original Handout

New Improved Handout

Please leave your views in the comments. Does the shorter less wordy handout capture the key points from the original piece? What questions do you have after reading the shorter one?

Thanks in advance for your help.


5 responses so far

  • Sarah says:

    1. When I read the words "removes kidney" I freaked out a bit & forgot to read "tissue"
    2. Not clear that the fasting should be before the procedure
    3. Does everyone in the US know what IV is? Similarly for sedation (vs anaesthetic).
    4. Reading the 20% figure, my first thought is that means it's not unlikely you would lose 20% of blood (I know that's not how it works)

    Questions: does it hurt & how much? Will they cry? Will they remember it? How will they feel afterwards? How long does it take? Will my child need time off school, and bed rest? Can I be with my child for the procedure?

    • whizbang says:

      The handout is to be more of a memory aid for someone with whom we have discussed the procedure. Trying to get everything in the handout creates, well, the first handout that's all words.
      Finding a balance between bare-bones and completeness is tricky! Thanks for your input.

  • Jaws says:

    I recommend adding a note on the scab-falloff-after-two-weeks at the bottom. Not only will that avoid the "single bullet point" problem (which looks unprofessional and leaves one wondering if there's a missing point), but it's a major alarm point that is long enough after the event that it may be forgotten if not provided in writing. The point could be as simple as "In about two weeks, you might see some blood in urine once or twice as the scab in the kidney falls off (call us if it's more than that)," or it could be more detailed, but I find it hard to believe that patients' families wouldn't be scared if not warned of this in advance and with something that they might still have around to refer to.

  • Claudia Chaperon says:

    Hi Pascale!
    Second handout much more reader friendly. But a little scarey. I know this is a simple procedure but for the patient's feelings it might help to write a simple beginning purpose. You had some of that in the longer version. Maybe a single sentence indicating that the use of the biopsy. It is pretty safe and that does not come across in short version. Like the improvement though.

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